A dreamlike Islamic wedding with the young and the happy groom-to-be and bride-to-be who are ecstatic about stepping into a new world full of joy which it will bring. A couple of months later, reality sets in and they realize marriage is not as easy as it sounds. It takes a whole lot of patience and effort to make a marriage work. Keeping this in mind, we give you healthy Muslim marriage tips for a happy and successful life together which will make the task a little less overwhelming while enhancing the chances of rewards possible in such a beautiful relationship blessed by the Almighty.
Enter marriage with the right aim and renew your love often
Both the husband and the wife must enter holy matrimony with the pure intention of pleasing Allah, subhanahu wa ta’ala to receive His blessings. The Islamic marriage, itself, then becomes a holy act of worship for which the spouses will be rewarded.
Allah will be pleased with them and will be the most crucial part to ensure peace, stability, love and harmony throughout the marital life. You must realize that when an act of worship is sustained for a long time, it becomes necessary to renew the love and one’s intention often. This is to help you stay in the correct path without wavering and reap the optimum benefits of god’s blessings.
Bear in mind that your Spouse is also a Brother or Sister in Islam
Often Muslims treat other people with kindness and sincerity but behave differently with their spouses. Muslims must remember that one’s spouse is also another Muslim’s brother or sister. Hence, he/she should be treated with respect and love. The rights and duties that apply to the general brotherhood (sisterhood) of Islam should also be the base of the marital relationship. Though a spouse has rights that go beyond these, there should be a clear understanding of the rights of brotherhood (sisterhood) and must adhere to these values.
Don’t hold unrealistic expectations
Before marriage, people carry unnecessary and unrealistic ideas about their partner especially when it comes to perfection. This conception rarely pans out in reality which can cause a rift between the couples when the expectations are shattered.
Remember that Allah, subanahu wa ta’ala made humans as imperfect. This means that mistakes are bound to happen throughout their lifetime. So, when you turn the table and expect some imperfection, you will be surprised and delighted when the spouse is much more than you ever hoped for. This will add more contentment within the marriage.
See the best in your partner
No one is blessed with all the qualities and hence emphasize the positive qualities your partner carries. Encourage them, praise them and express gratitude for their support. It will strengthen the qualities and deepen your relationship. Attempt to ignore the bad qualities and look into the positive ones. As the Prophet Sallallahu Alayehe Wa Sallam said, “A believing man should not have any malice against a believing woman. He may dislike one characteristic in her, but will find another in her that is pleasing.”
Be your partner’s best friend
The beginning of a beautiful partnership begins with friendship. So, be your spouse’s best friend. This may mean sharing interests, dreams, failures, experiences, achievements, and other ups and downs. It also involves knowing your spouse better by learning about their likes and dislikes and attempting to please them in any way possible. Stating the obvious, a best friend is someone with whom you can confide and trust. Similarly, a spouse should be your friend whom you want to be with for the rest of your life.
Spend quality time together
It’s not enough if you share meals, run errands and have a small talk together. Husband and wife should find the time to communicate with each other and focus on strengthening the relationship. Often couples become busy with their separate tasks that they forget to work on the most important part of life – their relationship. Having some quality time together will bring them closer and enhance the depth of the marriage. Quality time can be anything – from a quiet, deep conversation to going for a nice, long walk amidst nature or getting involved in a special hobby or project. Both husband and wife must enjoy this moment and keep away unnecessary distractions.
Express your feelings
Though a “western” concept and one which few people find it difficult, expressing one’s feelings with each other (both positive and negative) is absolutely important. Don’t keep your emotions and feelings bottled up and open up to your partner. The lines of communication must be open and any issues must be brought to the attention of your spouse. This is because what begins as a simple concern may grow into a big problem if not discussed quickly and properly. The “silent treatment” is never a remedy for anything.
Admit your Mistakes and Ask for Forgiveness
Just as we ask Allah to forgive us when we make mistakes, we should also do the same with our spouses. A strong person is the one who admits he/she is wrong, ask for forgiveness and work hard to improve his/her aspects that need change. If a person is reluctant to change his/her bad behavior, it can impact the marriage as there is little scope for development in the relationship.
Never bring up mistakes of the past
Reminding one of their previous mistakes can be very hurtful. In Islam, it is recommended not to dwell on the past. One may remember mistakes that were made so that they are not repeated but it shouldn’t be done excessively. As humans, we are not in a position to judge another person. You may give advice but not in a harmful way.
Surprise each other with a token of love
Prepare that special meal or buy a small gift or flowers as a token of your love. Dress up and look good for yourself and for your partner (this is not just for women, but men too). A little imagination goes a long way. The idea is to spice up your marriage life and avoid any dull moments that will affect your relationship with your spouse.
Tickle that funny bone
Sense of humor is a great way to avoid arguments and lightening the mood. Life is unpredictable and full of challenges and tests. Approaching it with a light-hearted manner will make the journey smooth and pleasant. You will also find that your spouse this personality endearing and will look forward to spending time with you.
Quick tips while having discussions and disagreements:
Initiate the discussion to solve the problem. If both of you are willing to consult together, the solution will be successful.
Remember it takes two to quarrel. If one person chooses not to argue, there will be no argument. Usually, the one who does the wrong does most of the talking.
Both husband and wife should not be angry at the same time. If one of the spouses is angry, let the other remain calm and collected. It is best to avoid more arguments.
Never go to sleep with an unsettled argument. It is undoubtedly one of the worst things that can happen in a marriage and must be avoided completely. It not only hurt feelings but overthinking and unwanted thoughts to creep up which will lead to an even bigger problem.
Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire. Yelling only enhances the problem and can spew hurtful words which may not be intended.
If one spouse needs to win, let it be your partner. Don’t focus on winning yourself. This is the main reason many discussions tend to become an argument and much worse.